President Barack Obama’s State of the Union address starts tonight at 8 p.m. CST, and it will be on just about every TV channel. Stop trying to escape it — embrace it with a round (or two) of President Bingo.
It’s all about the gravitational pull of the moon and the earth’s wobbly axis … so the real/new astrological signs should be:
Capricorn: Jan. 20 to Feb. 16 Aquarius: Feb. 16 to March 11 Pisces: March 11 to April 18 Aries: April 18 to May 13 Taurus: May 13 to June 21 Gemini: June 21 to July 20 Cancer: July 20 to Aug. 10 Leo: Aug. 10 to Sept. 16 Virgo: Sept. 16 to Nov. 23 Scorpio: Nov. 23 to Nov. 29 Ophiuchus: Nov. 29 to Dec. 17 Sagittarius: Dec. 17 to Jan. 20
And Ophiuchus is evidently a Greek god who liked snakes.
So instead of an Aquarius, I’m a Capricorn. Huh. Good thing I never got that Aquarius tattoo.